Where the Heart Breaks and Hopes Begin

How did we get here?

We were at the peak of our careers. Dirk, after years of working for a defense contractor, moved to CareSource, an Ohio based non-profit managed care organization as the manager of their Ohio Medicaid product. He moved to a healthcare organization because, as he frequently reminded me, when we got together with our physician friends, conversation always drifted to something medical. The move allowed him to be on the inside of the conversation! I had moved from full time primary care to a position as a senior medical director for Oak Street Health, an organization that provides healthcare for patients in underserved communities on Medicare. We were living in a house of our dreams, a fully restored 1929 English Tudor in a great neighborhood, with the best neighbors and the best friends. Along with Agador, a Siberian Forest cat, whom we adored. Still a few years from retirement, enjoying life to its fullest. We were fortunate to have been able to travel to multiple places throughout the years. It became a running joke - every time we went someplace, I would say “I could live here!”. Our longterm goal in retirement was to pick a different place every year and go there for a few months in order to immerse ourselves in the culture of that destination. The rest of our time would be spent with family and friends, entertaining and contributing to the arts scene in the Dayton area.

After President Trump was elected in 2016, we were in disbelief. We were distraught over the fact so many in the country would vote for someone that had so many character flaws. It was at that time we started discussing the possibility of moving from the US.

Our first thought was moving to Mexico. Good friends introduced us to San Miguel de Allende. If you have not been there, it is well worth the trip. We were enamored at the city the first time we visited. It is a colonial city in the heart of Mexico at an elevation of 6,234 feet. Given its location and altitude, the weather is similar to San Diego, California. Sunshine and a temperate climate year round. The city was named a World Heritage Site in 2008. It is quite lovely with baroque, neoclassical architecture, and La Parroquia de San Miguel Arcángel is the crown jewel at the city center. The cathedral is one of the most photographed in Mexico and takes my breath away every time I see it. San Miguel is a haven for artists, the people are lovely, and the culture is very laid back. Possibly the place for us.

Despite our thoughts about the administration and given the human tendency to believe the world always reverted back to status quo (“it can’t happen here!), we put leaving on the back burner. Although things were chaotic in the political realm, we had some reassurance that all might not be lost given the lack of alignment in the administration at the very top. There were a few people who kept Trump and his cronies at bay. The chaos and constant dread many of us felt were not eliminated, but it did seem that everything might end up with minimal damage.

Then SCOTUS and the reversal of Roe vs Wade happened. We started talking again. Another trip or two to San Miguel. But still, surely it can’t happen here. The US is the bedrock of democracy. So leaving, again, went on the back burner.

November 5, 2024. We could not believe that Trump was elected again. And the conversation became more serious. We revisited San Miguel, but despite everything it had to offer, we looked at other options now that we were becoming more serious.

We landed on France for several reasons. There is a favorable Tax Treaty between the US and France that prevents double taxation if you are living on passive and retirement income. The health system is ranked as one of the best in the world, and you can apply to be in their system after you have resided in France for three months. France is centrally located with a great rail system that allows you to travel extensively throughout Europe. And finally, flying directly into a city we would consider home was better than the long drive that was required to get to San Miguel. There is no airport in San Miguel, and the closest airport is one and one-half hours away.

However, there were still two months left before Trump would be sworn in. There was a lot of conversation about what the next term would look like, but it was speculation. Certainly educated speculation, but the urgency to do something did not occur until the week of January 20, 2025. Right after Trump was sworn in, the flurry of executive orders gave a taste of what was to come. Checks and balances were clearly thrown to the wind by replacing all senior positions with loyalists. The grip Trump has on the MAGA cohort and the Republican Party was more evident every day. Project 2025 was being implemented. It was ten days into the new administration at which time we asked ourselves, “when is it too late to leave?”. That was the moment we decided it was time to go.

This was a hard decision for both of us. It’s funny, as I had never thought about it before, but the identity you have with your country is so ingrained that when you make the decision to leave, you really go through a grieving process. All my life I have been told America is the best at everything. And I mean everything. American exceptionalism as it is called. The concept of American exceptionalism interestingly originates from writings of Alexis de Tocqueville, a French political scientist and historian, after his travels to America in 1831. We were the beacon on the hill for democracy. We were a leader in how a country should behave. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free”.

Suddenly, with the decision to leave, it was obvious that those beliefs, which are a core part of one’s identity, were shattered. Are we the best at everything? Are we no longer the beacon? Have we become the toddler throwing temper tantrums on the international stage? Does the Statue of Liberty no longer hold meaning?

Not only was there a grieving process given the country’s trajectory, but grief came in many other areas as well. Leaving family and friends, our neighborhood and community, our house and the life we had built around our home, and our careers. The fact so many American citizens did not learn from the lessons that are readily available given past experiences throughout time with fascism added to the grief we were feeling.

I’ve long admired the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. She was a psychiatrist who did extensive work with patients coping with grief and death. The Kübler-Ross Change Curve describes all the steps one goes through with grief and change. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Most people think these stages are linear. Once you finish one stage, you transition into the next. However, that is not the case. And yes, we have experienced all of these steps at one time or another surrounding our move to France. Grief seems to be the hardest. You think you are doing well, and out of nowhere, you become overwhelmed with grief yet again, bursting into tears and trying to explain what you’re going through to whomever happens to be on the receiving end. Thankfully, for the most part, our friends and family have been very supportive.

Most actions in life are based the choosing the best of choices one is handed. One may have the option of choosing from positive choices. But one may only have seemingly negative choices, leaving you with choosing the quintessential “lessor of two evils”. I sometimes find myself asking why we are leaving given the pain we have felt in the process. In this case, it is making the choice that causes the least pain. For me, I am a mission, vision and values based guy. I am not aware of one thing in this administration that aligns with my values. President Trump and MAGA consistently state how they hate democrats, and they want to “own the libs”. What does that even mean? Owning implies dominance. It appears that MAGA, the self appointed “true patriots”, the defenders of freedom and liberty, are only concerned with freedoms as it applies to them.

I could go on about the numerous issues coming out daily, but I’m only going to comment about the recent passage of the “One Big Beautiful Bill”, and “Alligator Alcatraz”. First, I have been in conversations with people who are strongly aligned with Trump. Usually it goes something like: “I don’t agree with everything he does, but ……..”. My interpretation is the person making that statement understands the flaws President Trump brings to the presidency, but this gives them the permission to support him. The most common reason given to me has been that President Trump believes in fiscal responsibility. However, this bill adds significantly to the deficit. I have not had one person who has used that reason tell me that they are upset about the passage of the bill despite the fact it is predicted the deficit will soar. And I infer that for the most part, Republican constituents did not contact their senators and congressmen concerned about adding to the deficit since almost none of the republican congressmen or congresswomen spoke out against it. In fact, I was fortunate to have been in a meeting a few weeks ago with Representative Mike Turner’s spokesperson. He said that his constituents were adamant about Representative Turner following the lead of President Trump, i.e., they insisted upon loyalty. I believe we should be fiscally responsible. Tax cuts for the wealthy are not consistent with that position. The hypocrisy of MAGA is unbelievable. And “Alligator Alcatraz”. For senior leaders (or any leader for that matter) who joke about such matters is appalling. It’s amazing to me how many people hide behind the cross in order to push cruel and inhumane policies. These are only two of hundreds of examples I could write about that do not align with my mission, vision and values.

I felt compelled to share why we were leaving, as that is the question we are always asked. While this writing focuses on the push to leave the US, we also feel the pull. The positives are numerous. There are the travel opportunities, retiring early, the richness of history in Europe, living on the Mediterranean, and a slower pace of life. While it was an unexpected detour in our lives, we do see this as an adventure, one that has enormous benefits.

My goal is to write about our experiences going forward as we settle in Nice, along with reflections on life. My focus will not be on the politics of the US, but I thought the topic was central as to why we are where we are.

As we say in France - À la prochaine, or, See you next time!

Todd (and Dirk)